Words Less Spoken
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My Yoga Practice
I have become very skilled at being able to forgive and not hold hostility in my heart. However, do you have any advice on how to avoid regressing back to a person? My kindness is my greatest strength and also my greatest weakness. I'm not sure where I should draw a line, or if a line should be drawn at all.
Anonymous
Keep forgiving. Keep opening your heart. Forgiveness isn’t a one time act. It’s a conscious choice repeated over and over again. Forgiveness means never putting the person out of your heart. It doesn’t excuse what they did or give them permission to repeat it. It just means you choose to let it go and forgive for your own sake. That empowers you. It doesn’t make you weak. It may mean that you are vulnerable because you choose not to close your heart and shut others out of your life, but you just keep on loving.
“In some ways to be able to forgive, to let go, is a type of dying. It is the ability to say, “I am not that person anymore, and you are not that person anymore.” Forgiveness allows us to recapture some part of ourselves that we left behind in bondage to a past event. Some part of our identity may also need to die in that letting go, so that we can reclaim the energy bound up in the past.”
Sharon Salzberg, “Loving-Kindness”
“
What does letting go on the practical level tell us? Letting go is different than denying or repressing. To let go of something is to admit it. You have to own it. Letting go is different than turning it against yourself; different than projecting it onto others. Letting go means that the denied, repressed, rejected parts of yourself, which are nonetheless true, are seen for what they are; but you refuse to turn them against yourself or against others. This is not denial or pretend, but actual transformation.
The religious word for this letting go is forgiveness. You see the imperfect moment for what it is, and you hand it over to God. You refuse to let any negative storyline or self-serving agenda define your life. This is a very, very different way of living; it implies that you see your mistakes, your dark side, but you do not identify with either your superiority or your inferiority.
Forgiveness is of one piece. Those who give it can also receive it. Those who receive it can pass forgiveness on. You are a conduit, and your only job is not to stop the flow. What comes around will also go around. The art of letting go is really the secret of happiness and freedom.
”Richard Rohr
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
- Mark Twain
(Photo: untitled by michi says hi on Flickr.)
(via popbingbangbong)
“As I learned to tolerate rather than hate my pains (physical, emotional, and mental), I saw that pain was nothing more than unpleasant sensory experience. It was resistance, fear, and hatred that caused real suffering. So then I began to have some mercy on myself. I began to pause in moments of difficulty, to be mindful of the sensations and tolerate them without reacting.”
Noah Levine and The Heart of Revolution (via restoried)
You are human & only human, a wonder & a mystery. Offer yourself the same forgiveness you seek, my friend.
Si alejamos nuestros sentimientos o emociones fuertes, usualmente éstos regresan con más fuerza y de una manera más problemática. Es imposible no sentir algunas cosas. Es parte de lo que nos hace humanos. No está mal sentirse enojado cuando tú o tus seres queridos son lastimados. No reprimas lo que sientes.El perdón no significa que lo que la otra persona hizo está bien. No significa que fue algo sin importancia. No significa que no debamos sentirnos legítimamente molestos por eso. PERDÓN significa que a pesar de que tienes todo el derecho de estar molesto, TÚ escogiste olvidar y continuar con tu vida. Tú eres quien controla y le da poder al acto de perdonar. Una víctima no tiene control, pero tú no eres una víctima, sino el resultado de tus sentimientos acerca de lo que pasó.
Al perdonar tú escoges la dirección que tu vida tomará. Separas tu identidad del evento negativo. Cuando estés listo, escoge perdonar —Si no estás listo, está bien. No es tu momento—.
Sé amable contigo.
Tú, junto con cualquier otro en el universo, mereces tu amor y respeto -Buda.
vía Words Less Spoken (http://wordslessspoken.org/).
Translated by nebali. Thank you, friend!
When You’re Hurt by Those Close to You
In response to a question I received about how to get rid of feelings of anger and hate after being hurt by those close to you.
If we push our feelings or strong emotions away from us, they often become stronger and more troublesome. We can’t not feel some things. It’s part of what makes us human. You are not wrong to feel the way you do. When you or your loved ones are hurt, it is natural to be angry. Allow yourself to feel the way you do.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what the person did to us is ok. It doesn’t mean that it was a small thing. It also doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be legitimately upset about it. Forgiveness means although you have every right to be angry, you choose to let go and move on with your life. You are the one in control and empowered in the act of forgiveness. Victims have no control, but you are not a victim, any more than you are your feelings about what happened. By forgiving you choose the direction your life will take. You separate your identity from what happened to you. When you are ready, choose to forgive. If you’re not ready, that’s ok too.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You, as much as anyone in the universe deserve your love and respect -Buddha.
May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. ~Namaste
![[Explored] There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love by ♥ Minnie | Photography ♥ on Flickr.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls0aguzwJJ1qlgdmlo1_500.jpg)
Question on Religion & Forgiveness
Question: What are your views on religion? How do people sin over and over again and expect to be forgiven?
Here is a link to a recent blog post I wrote explaining my current relationship to religion: http://wordslessspoken.com/2011/08/29/a-bi-lingual-heart/. I was raised Christian and still identify as such, except that I have moved into progressive/contemplative Christianity, short answer. Buddhism is now the dominant spiritual influence in my life, although I do not consider it to be a religion in the same sense as Christianity. Hope the post makes it clearer.
We “sin” or make mistakes over and over again because we’re human. Sometimes that can become neurotic and turn into addiction. That is a different matter altogether. From a Christian perspective forgiveness isn’t based on one’s on worthiness or penance, it is based solely on the goodness of God expressed through Christ’s life and death as the basis for why we are forgiven, even when we screw up over and over again. It is very human to say I have forgiven you three times for “____,” but now I’m done with you. It is divine love to pick us up and start over again each time we fail.
From a Buddhist perspective suffering is a reality, but we can explore our suffering, understand it, and make peace with it. Buddhism teaches us how to be gentle with ourselves, to learn how to forgive ourselves, rather than seeking some atonement from outside of us. Not to say that we become perfect and won’t fail again, but that we see our failure for what it is and for what it isn’t. We learn how to start over without judgement or punishment.
“Be patient with everyone, but above all, with yourself. I mean, do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage. I am glad you make a fresh beginning daily. There is no better means of attainment to the spiritual life than by continually beginning again, and never thinking that we have done enough. How are we to be patient in dealing with our neighbor’s faults if we are impatient in dealing with our own. He who is fretted by his own failings will not correct them. All profitable correction comes from a calm and peaceful mind.”
Saint Frances de Sales, via The Experience of Insight by Joseph Goldstein
The only part I would take issue with is “never thinking that we have done enough,” which seems to be the opposite of being kind to yourself. Sounds like good old Catholic/Baptist guilt to me, of which I’ve suffered plenty. Otherwise, I appreciate the sentiments.
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